I know I failed hardcore at replying to the the comments on my last post, about my father. I thank all of you for the support and kind words. It means the world to me. This post comes a bit late, but I felt it best to take away time from LJ save for the occasional creeping during this past month or so. Other reasoning that went into that was holy crap...University work like whoa in my classes. Gotta love the madness of the last month of semester. Today is final day of classes for me, then it's study days the next few days before final exams start next Monday.
Which means SUMMER IS ALMOST HERE. FUCK YEAH.
I know my posts have been few over the past year. Mainly because I've been so caught up with Dad's cancer, Gran dying, handling school and work, other relatives who have cancer, etc.
My father has died. He passed away on the 28th of February, surrounded by loved ones, including me. Those last few days of his are something I would love to forget, because nobody should've had to suffer like that. The cancer had spread his bones beside his major organs, which is the worst and most painful kind of cancer you can get.
Believe me when I say, I pray to God or whatever higher power out there that none of you ever, ever have to hear someone scream in pain like that. Or go through that kind of labored painful breathing. It will haunt me until the day I die.
Yes, they had him in a medical induced coma...but even with all the meds..he would still wake up out of the coma whenever the nurses had to move him for examinations/washing up. That's how bad the pain was. I'm just thankful that for the last few hours, his breathing evened out and he was at peace. That was a saving grace.
It just happened so fast. Earlier that week he had been up and walking around, he even went to the bar with my mom. Granted, when my brother and I walked over to join them...we had to help him into the truck and then into the house..but he was fine. Until he fell that night. After that he was out on the front porch (Its enclosed and heated, more like a cabin themed sun room that we turned into his at home hospital room). Few days later, he tried to move...we had to call paramedics because he fell.
Screaming and such ensued that Thursday morning. By that night..Dad had slipped into an almost natural coma that he'd sorta come out of..but he wasn't really there. By Friday night we had to move him to Hospice and it was death watch shifts between us and relatives. He passed away on Monday the 28th around 5:30 am.
I'm still in shock 2 weeks later. Even after the funeral and getting his urn with his ashes, even after watching the life fade from his eyes...I keep expecting him to be around. And he's not. It hurts more than I can describe.
To all of you who have been supportive through this tough time, and have shown me nothing but kindness and love, I truly thank you from the bottom of my heart. Between you guys, my friends on Tumblr, and all the real life support, you have made this a bit easier for me to deal with and be strong.
It won't be long now.
Dad's cancer is spread throughout his body. With the amount of sleeping he's been doing and how rapidly his pain is increasing, it's only a matter of days/weeks before he hits coma stage then passes away.
Warning: This may get long. And start depressing. FYI.
Where do I even begin?
Was busy mostly with University and work. Plus helping out around home and dealing with Dad's cancer.
Just got back from being in California for almost a month. My gran (my dad's mother) had fallen ill and was on life support. They took her off it because it was just cruel to keep her alive on it. She was in so much pain her body put her into a natural coma. Needless to say, it was unexpected and took us all by surprise. I was the closest to her out of all of us...and it's been hard. It really hasn't quite hit me yet that she is gone. I keep expecting a phone call...and I almost started making Empire Biscuits to send to her like I do every year with her Christmas/Hogmanay package. (Hogmanay is the Scottish New Year.) Just....hard.
As for my father.....this is his last Christmas. Doctor told my mom he has a few months, maybe a year if he's lucky...but with how he was out in California and how he's been since we got back...we'll be damn lucky if he lives past Winter...Gran dying pretty much knocked a lot of the fight out of him. Not that I blame him, seeing as he is the last one of his family (Not counting my disowned Aunt. Long story, bitch is too nice of a word to describe her and she's dead to everyone.) Granddad died when I was back in middle school, and my Uncle Art (Dad's younger brother) died a few years later unexpectedly. I'm losing an entire generation of my family. It fucking hurts so bad. (Family back in Scotland really doesn't count. I doubt if any of them even know I exist.)
Haven't heard any updates on Great Uncle Lambret's condition. Though...he has Stage 4 Lung Cancer so I expect it's not going to be very long before we get a phone call from Georgia....
Cousin David's cancer is apparently stable. Which is good.
Rick's supposed cancer ended up being a misdiagnosis. He actually has 47 different blood clots. They have him on meds now and are monitoring him to make sure one doesn't break up and go to his heart.
My best friend Angi is getting married. I am her Maid of Honor. This is going to be one interesting wedding.
I'm also standing up as a bridesmaid in my friend Tina's wedding. At least I still think I'm a bridesmaid. Her & Ashley keep switching me from side to side. (Yes, its two girls getting married. Love is love. Deal.) Also all of us lucky enough to be in the wedding party get to start learning the Thriller Dance. Apparently we are doing it as a surprise dance at the reception. I. AM. PUMPED. AJDLKSFJDK. You have no idea.
My cousin Eric is getting married. Which is exciiiiiiting. I'm so happy for him. He was "You'll be at my wedding, right?" I just was like "Duh. I better be getting an invite." and then I was squished into a huge Eric hug. I don't care if he's my 3rd cousin. I freaking love that guy to pieces.
And my cousin Ashley is pregnant again. :D I'm so happy for her & Scott. It's going to be their second child!
Ummmm. Yeah. That's all the major things I can think of right now. It's been a crazy few months and I'm pretty sure I would've gone nuts by now if it hadn't been for Bri, my cousins Anthony & Amanda, Angi, and my brother.
I'm still here! Promise. Just. Real life has gotten quite hectic. and I've discovered the crack addiction know as Tumblr. and Supernatural. Oh maaaan. Ridiculousness.
Basic life catch up
- Dad's cancer getting worse. In his spine and both lungs now. Started on chemo to prolong his time. He's gone from a 5ish year window down to a more probable time of a year to 2 years.
- Uncle's lung cancer is worse.
- Mom is losing her job. Goodwill decided to dissolve the Helping Hands in the Home branch so now a shit ton of people are going to be applying for unemployment.
- I'm now my cousin Amanda's Confirmation Sponsor. I get to help "guide her on the path of being a defender of God". This should be interesting. Though the priest told a story how in Confirmation back in the day, you used to get slapped in the face by the bishop to signify you were a "Warrior /Solider of God". ...my cousin and I had the hardest time keeping a straight face..mainly because at my confirmation..I was literally bitchslapped by the bishop during the photo taking. Sure, it was on accident..but still pretty freakin ironic.
- 3 weddings with the next yearish
- 2 of which I'm standing up in.
- One is for my coworker. I am a bridesmaid for her girlfriend. I was supposed to be one of her groomsmen, but a bridesmaid backed out so I've been switched. Though she made a compromise with me. I get to wear a Tuxedo dress. and a bowtie. FUCK YEAH.
- Other wedding is my best friend's wedding. I am the Maid of Honor. Somebody grant me sanity because I have to help plan it with Angi and then her fiance's mom Melanie (Her fiance's family is paying for the wedding since they are super loaded. Melanie is ...not one of my favorite people. She's kind of a bitch but I guess I'll have to suck it up. Gah.)
- Two more people I know are having kids. Jesus. I've realized I've hit that age where it's babies and weddings everywhere for people I know. Officially not a teenager/young adult anymore. Makes me feel old, yet relieved at the same time.
- Discovered that the person I'm supposed to be roomies with in Spring at the college I'm transferring to is now not going until next fall. Single Dorm it is. Fun.....
- Tomboy mode is full on. I haven't been this boyish since I was like 15. and to be honest, it feels awesome. I've missed my layers of t-shirts with flannel or hoodies, worn in jeans, boots and cranking the Classic Rock. Maybe it's because everything is so shook up and stressful right now that it feels nice to retreat to habits of old that are comforting and familiar.
- Planning on a few different tattoos that I want to get sometime in the nearish future. Yeah..I already have two..but there are a few more I want.
The Big Bang Theory and Supernatural both start new seasons on the same day. I hope at different times or it's going to be hard choosing which to DVR. GAH.
I'm so excited. I have a boyfriend now and he is just wonderful. Bonus? He's British so I get to enjoy hearing his awesome accent pretty much everyday. He thinks its cute how I geek out over it sometimes.
My mum approves. She's happy for me. So far I've told her, and two of my best friends. Waiting off to tell Dad. He's seriously got the whole "I'm Scottish so fuck the English" thing going. Which my brother also is like. Especially after what my mum did the other day.
They were at the neighbors talking about weddings (one of the girls on the street is getting married. She used to be my best friend..sadly..we drifted apart) and such. Apparently my dad was all "Sheena is going to marry an Irishman, just to spite me." to which my mother slyly replied "What if she marries a Brit instead?" and then he flipped out in a Scottish rage. My mum was laughing hysterically when she told me. Cheeky woman. XD (Though I don't understand his aversion to the Irsih. Seriously. On his side, if you go back in the family tree...like half the family is from Ireland. One half is the Murray of Atholls of Scotland and the other side is the McDades..who are from Ireland. The hell?)
But all in all, I've been much happier than I've ever been, even with all the bad crap going on right now. It's nice to have a spot of light in the sea of dark. :)
I just realized what a sad lack of Stargate gifs I have.
Share your Stargate gifs with me?
Play will be later this week. I'm excited. Also a bit sad since it'll be over til next year come Curtain Call on Friday. I may not even be able to do it next summer, considering I just maaay be in Scotland for Summer Interim for school then. Maybe. Depends on if my financial aid shit goes through (they are currently screwing around with it. So I don't even know if I can afford to go back in Fall. Just freaking looooovely. *sigh*)
Super pumped for next Tuesday night. I'm taking my cousins and my best friend with me to go see Weird Al Yankovic at Summerfest. Best part? He plays on one of the free stages. Between the gas money, and the $8 gate admission...I will spend a total of $23 to see him in concert. Which is waaaay cheaper than what I paid to see him in concert the first two times. Totally wearing the White & Nerdy sweatshirt I got him to autograph at the first concert of his I went to :D
Dad started Chemo. Well...attempted at least. The people at the hospital fucked it up and instead of getting the chemo chemicals to inject through the needle...they split the chemicals all over the table, the floor, and my Dad's arm/leg thus soaking his clothes. Then they didn't even bother to check if it was on him...they just mopped it up and gave him the second round of drugs without him recieving the first. Dad and Mum didn't reliaze it was all over him until he got home and went to change his clothes. We had to wash everything he touched and had to call the Hazmat offices to get the procedure for cleaning up radiation chemicals. He wasn't allowed to touch anything or anyone with his left side for 3 days. Then, the staff who fucked up try to cover up the fact they screwed up and wrote it off as a minor incident, versus a radiation chemical spill that they didn't fallow procedure for. Needless to say, after he got his port put in today, my mum and him got his medical file transffered to the new hospital he will be going to next week and from now on for Chemo. (Which is when we found out that the shitty staff from that day/floor didn't even make an incident report about the chemicals. Needless to say, the head nurse was piiiiiiiiissed when we told her. I have a feeling a good chunk of staff is about to be put on suspension or possibly fired.)